I'm not sure where to start.
It's been daysss since I last blogged and since my brain keeps telling me that I should probably fold the laundry and so I'm a bit distracted. I'm also watching New in Town, so I'm double distracted.
We've been in Charlotte for 2 1/2 years and have come to absolutely love it. We've had a baby, moved, switched jobs, made friends, and have had many new experiences. Sam has been working at Wells Fargo for almost a year and it's been a great thing. This job is one that we both were hesitant to ever leave because the pay was great (the hours, not so much). The golden handcuffs were getting pretty tight.
Then something changed. All of the sudden, we both felt that something needed to change. It was through prayer, fasting, and revelation that we decided that Sam is going to go back to school. And we couldn't be more excited for the changes that are going to happen for our family within the next 18 months. Small, big, and bigger.
There have been times in our married life that I can without a doubt see how our lives have been held in God's hands. Through our move to Charlotte, our miscarriage, and Sam's job change, it's remarkable to think about the love that someone greater than us would have for our little family.
But here we go. And we're going big.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Charlotte.
When we made the decision to move to Charlotte 2 years ago I was scared out of my mind. Charlotte is a big city, on the east coast and I never actually believed there was anything East of the Utah/Colorado boarder.
When Sam was applying for jobs I told him that I didn't really want to live in California or anywhere on the East coast. One night he stayed up extremely late filling out job applications and in the morning he told me that he had applied for North Carolina. Ha. What were the changes that 2 years later, this is home. And we love it.
There are so many things to say, but can't be said.
Last night Sam came home at 5 pm, which is extremely early for the guy who is usually letting me he know that he is coming home around 11:30. He didn't tell me why for a while, but I was shocked to see him, none the less. It was made obvious just a few hours later when the protests uptown turned extremely violent.
We live just a little over 5 miles from uptown and I was constantly distracted by the thought of how quickly it could end up down here. I haven't seen or heard anything today (since I've locked myself in the house), but there was supposed to be a protest a block away from us.
Why can't anyone accept responsibility for their actions? Why are we constantly playing the blame game. Not all cops are bad. Not all white people are racist. And not all black people are here to tear up the city and want to shoot cops. But people need to take some responsibility.
When Sam was applying for jobs I told him that I didn't really want to live in California or anywhere on the East coast. One night he stayed up extremely late filling out job applications and in the morning he told me that he had applied for North Carolina. Ha. What were the changes that 2 years later, this is home. And we love it.
There are so many things to say, but can't be said.
Last night Sam came home at 5 pm, which is extremely early for the guy who is usually letting me he know that he is coming home around 11:30. He didn't tell me why for a while, but I was shocked to see him, none the less. It was made obvious just a few hours later when the protests uptown turned extremely violent.
We live just a little over 5 miles from uptown and I was constantly distracted by the thought of how quickly it could end up down here. I haven't seen or heard anything today (since I've locked myself in the house), but there was supposed to be a protest a block away from us.
Why can't anyone accept responsibility for their actions? Why are we constantly playing the blame game. Not all cops are bad. Not all white people are racist. And not all black people are here to tear up the city and want to shoot cops. But people need to take some responsibility.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
better.
I know I can be better. Heavenly Father knows that I can be better.
This week in motherhood has not been one worthy of a gold star. Or even a bronze.
I have found myself becoming distracted by everything. Instagram, facebook, twitter, who was on Ellen, the prizes on The Price is Right. Basically anything and everything. To make matters worse, I didn't work out at all this week, my house was semi clean, I hadn't read my scriptures and who knows all the other things that I didn't do that I should have done.
In my patriarchal blessing it talks about how the entertainment of the world is heavily influenced by Satan and his followers and to avoid it, and while it can often be a good thing, this week it took the joy of motherhood away from me.
I need to remember the importance of what I am doing, the importance of this little boy that I have been given to love, raise, nurture and teach. I need to remember that when I am not doing those thing that I have been asked to do then my week turns into a wasted week and one that I can't get back.
This week in motherhood has not been one worthy of a gold star. Or even a bronze.
I have found myself becoming distracted by everything. Instagram, facebook, twitter, who was on Ellen, the prizes on The Price is Right. Basically anything and everything. To make matters worse, I didn't work out at all this week, my house was semi clean, I hadn't read my scriptures and who knows all the other things that I didn't do that I should have done.
In my patriarchal blessing it talks about how the entertainment of the world is heavily influenced by Satan and his followers and to avoid it, and while it can often be a good thing, this week it took the joy of motherhood away from me.
I need to remember the importance of what I am doing, the importance of this little boy that I have been given to love, raise, nurture and teach. I need to remember that when I am not doing those thing that I have been asked to do then my week turns into a wasted week and one that I can't get back.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Burritos & Ham Sandwiches
There is a handful of marital advice that I received 3.5 years ago that still goes through my mind frequently and that I would consider to be useful, including my dad's advice not to get the couches that have pillows as a back. Come to think of it, I think about that little tidbit of advice every time I sit on someone's couch that has a back full of pillows (and hate it) and wonder why their dad didn't give them the same advice.
(Speaking of advice that I have ignored, someone also told me not to go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink and here I sit with dirty dishes in the sink and I don't even want to do them at all. Peace out, dishes.)
I couldn't tell you who gave the advice, but someone told me don't do anything the first year of my marriage that I wasn't going to do for the rest of my marriage eternity. It's the best, and now I pass it onto every to-be wed person that I know. Let me tell you, here I am this many years later and I still make Sam breakfast and lunch every single day. Except when I'm pregnant. Or when I accidentally go back to sleep for an hour instead of 5 minutes. Or when we both wake up when Sam has to be to work before I can even roll out of bed. But that tidbit of advice has been the thing that keeps him at the forefront of my mind even when the days are long and the time together is short.
When we first moved to Charlotte the work hours were different, bit allowed for us to spent a significant amount of time together. We had weekends and weekdays to spent together and trips when he wasn't working on the weekends. 2 years later, our time is a little bit more limited especially during the weeks, but I feel like that simple act and habit of making breakfast is my one way each morning to show my love, support and appreciation for the long hours and Sam''s willingness to work to provide me the opportunity to be a SAHM.
Monday, September 12, 2016
Motherhood
I've found that words are not adequate enough to describe motherhood and all that it is.
Some days when I'm cleaning up the food that Ezra threw on the floor (and trying to avoid the sticky hands that are trying to grab my hair) I wonder how I got to this place in my life. This place where I stay at home all day to play with, teach, care for, feed, (attempt to) snuggle, and love this perfect little spirit all while trying to balance making sure that my house isn't a complete wreck,that I have clean garments, time to get in the shower and don't eat every cookie that I see. Maybe now is the time to mention that today was the day (...12 months into parenthood) that I realized that the secret to getting in the shower and getting ready before 11 am was my pack 'n play.
But this place is the best, most wonderful thing.
As I have thought many times about what I would want to write about if I ever had the time (and the energy) to blog about a thousand things have come to my mind. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I felt like I had something that I wanted to say.
A friend mentioned to me that we needed to get together so that she could "save me from motherhood."
I know that there was nothing meant by it, but it really got me thinking about why I would never want to be saved from motherhood. Maybe I need a couple of hours here and there to regain my sanity and talk to someone other than my 1 year old who has limited speaking capabilities or maybe I want to binge watch a series on Amazon and not share my ice cream so Ezra gets an early nap, but there is nothing about motherhood that needs saving.
Except a few things. There are always things worth saving. Like the moments when I'm extremely tired, but then Ezra gives me a kiss or tries to share his animal crackers with me. When he seems so excited to see me when I get him out of bed in the morning or let him get a drink from my special cup (even though I know there is going to be an extremely large amount of back wash in it). When Ezra stands himself up at the wall and hits his hand on his chest as he walks over to me and we're both so excited that we clap and laugh together. When he decides that he can walk on his own and lets go of my hand, or today, when somehow he managed to get a cookie off of the cooling rack on the kitchen counter, why would I not want to save that? Those are the moments that keep me from every needing to be saved.
Motherhood has opened my heart in a way that cannot be described. There is seriously this little, tiny chamber in your heart that is unlocked when your little one is placed on your chest for the very first time. It's the place in my heart that made Sam and I cry when Ezra lifted his head off my chest to check us out. It's a tiny place, but it's a powerful place. The joy, pride, and elation that is felt can't be compared or explained. The heartache, the worry, and the fear is something that can't be consoled.
Although he is only one, the sadness that I feel when I see him wanting a turn when the kids are kicking the ball or he waves and someone doesn't wave back, it's nothing that you can be prepared for.
I think that Satan uses that as his great lie to distract us as mothers. He tells us that we need saving, that we need a break and that we are done for the day because we've done our part but as Ezra and I listen to 'I am a Child of God' before he goes to bed, I remember why I don't need a break. (Granted, there are times when I have to tell Ezra that we are no long best friends after 9:00, it's strictly a friend relationship at that point).But really, I don't need a break because Heavenly Father has entrusted me with one of his special spirits and there is never a time that I have to worry about Heavenly Father taking a break and not being there for me. Because of motherhood, I am able to better understand life in a way that I could not have imagined. I better understand the atonement and the love that my Savior has for me. Something as simple as Ezra fighting back while I'm trying to give him his ear infection medicine reminds me that I don't always understand why or how things are going to help me become better, but they will.
There is absolutely nothing that I would rather be doing and I feel extremely blessed to feel completely fulfilled by being a wife and a mother. I credit the example of my mom and dad for this. My dad was always willing to provide for us and I always knew that we were the highest priority of my mom. We never had to compete with my their friends, their jobs, or their hobbies. We always knew where we stood with them. As a teenager, and now as a parent, my heart aches for those children who are not the priority of their parents because at one point or another, they will feel it.
Now that I am done rambling with my motherhood thoughts, I look back at my day and feel less than qualified to be a parent, to teach and love, to nurture and feed, to entertain and to keep some sort of routine. Parenthood is humbling, and each night as Sam and I lay in bed and watch the videos and look at the pictures from the day we remember how lucky we are to have this sweet little guy and how much we can't wait to see him (after a decent nights rest).
Some days when I'm cleaning up the food that Ezra threw on the floor (and trying to avoid the sticky hands that are trying to grab my hair) I wonder how I got to this place in my life. This place where I stay at home all day to play with, teach, care for, feed, (attempt to) snuggle, and love this perfect little spirit all while trying to balance making sure that my house isn't a complete wreck,that I have clean garments, time to get in the shower and don't eat every cookie that I see. Maybe now is the time to mention that today was the day (...12 months into parenthood) that I realized that the secret to getting in the shower and getting ready before 11 am was my pack 'n play.
But this place is the best, most wonderful thing.
As I have thought many times about what I would want to write about if I ever had the time (and the energy) to blog about a thousand things have come to my mind. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I felt like I had something that I wanted to say.
A friend mentioned to me that we needed to get together so that she could "save me from motherhood."
I know that there was nothing meant by it, but it really got me thinking about why I would never want to be saved from motherhood. Maybe I need a couple of hours here and there to regain my sanity and talk to someone other than my 1 year old who has limited speaking capabilities or maybe I want to binge watch a series on Amazon and not share my ice cream so Ezra gets an early nap, but there is nothing about motherhood that needs saving.
Except a few things. There are always things worth saving. Like the moments when I'm extremely tired, but then Ezra gives me a kiss or tries to share his animal crackers with me. When he seems so excited to see me when I get him out of bed in the morning or let him get a drink from my special cup (even though I know there is going to be an extremely large amount of back wash in it). When Ezra stands himself up at the wall and hits his hand on his chest as he walks over to me and we're both so excited that we clap and laugh together. When he decides that he can walk on his own and lets go of my hand, or today, when somehow he managed to get a cookie off of the cooling rack on the kitchen counter, why would I not want to save that? Those are the moments that keep me from every needing to be saved.
Motherhood has opened my heart in a way that cannot be described. There is seriously this little, tiny chamber in your heart that is unlocked when your little one is placed on your chest for the very first time. It's the place in my heart that made Sam and I cry when Ezra lifted his head off my chest to check us out. It's a tiny place, but it's a powerful place. The joy, pride, and elation that is felt can't be compared or explained. The heartache, the worry, and the fear is something that can't be consoled.
Although he is only one, the sadness that I feel when I see him wanting a turn when the kids are kicking the ball or he waves and someone doesn't wave back, it's nothing that you can be prepared for.
I think that Satan uses that as his great lie to distract us as mothers. He tells us that we need saving, that we need a break and that we are done for the day because we've done our part but as Ezra and I listen to 'I am a Child of God' before he goes to bed, I remember why I don't need a break. (Granted, there are times when I have to tell Ezra that we are no long best friends after 9:00, it's strictly a friend relationship at that point).But really, I don't need a break because Heavenly Father has entrusted me with one of his special spirits and there is never a time that I have to worry about Heavenly Father taking a break and not being there for me. Because of motherhood, I am able to better understand life in a way that I could not have imagined. I better understand the atonement and the love that my Savior has for me. Something as simple as Ezra fighting back while I'm trying to give him his ear infection medicine reminds me that I don't always understand why or how things are going to help me become better, but they will.
There is absolutely nothing that I would rather be doing and I feel extremely blessed to feel completely fulfilled by being a wife and a mother. I credit the example of my mom and dad for this. My dad was always willing to provide for us and I always knew that we were the highest priority of my mom. We never had to compete with my their friends, their jobs, or their hobbies. We always knew where we stood with them. As a teenager, and now as a parent, my heart aches for those children who are not the priority of their parents because at one point or another, they will feel it.
Now that I am done rambling with my motherhood thoughts, I look back at my day and feel less than qualified to be a parent, to teach and love, to nurture and feed, to entertain and to keep some sort of routine. Parenthood is humbling, and each night as Sam and I lay in bed and watch the videos and look at the pictures from the day we remember how lucky we are to have this sweet little guy and how much we can't wait to see him (after a decent nights rest).
Thursday, June 30, 2016
A sentence a day... June 2016
1. Hanging around Imaginon uptown with play group.
2. Ran out of garments and will be wearing maternity garments until the dryer is fixed....
3. Last trip to Sam's club. Hello Costco membership. Hello adulthood.
4. Best. Day. Ever. We went ikea to get Ezra a crib and walked out with a perfect one PLUS 3 navy blue chairs that we got for $60. Our cars may have turned into a jigsaw puzzle, but they fit and it was fantastic. Happy early birthday to me!
5. Second week in church and already asked to sub in primary.
6. Party at mom and baby story time at the local library!
7. Poor little buddy has a horrible cough and a runny nose and to make it all worse I had the biggest mom fail when I forgot to put the break on our new stroller...
8. Relief society hike. I think it was supposed to be a quick little hike, but we ended up being there for like 2 and a half hours. Hooray for exercise....?
9. We went exploring at Freedom park and loved it! We walked around the pond, fed snacks to the ducks, played in the mini panthers training park, and enjoyed the cool weather.
10. We got $37 worth of Panda Express at 9 pm. That right there tells you how our day went.
11. Boy Scout car wash and treats for a bridal shower.
12. Sam's first speaking assignment as Stake Young Men's second counselor in the Catawba, SC ward.
13. First time swimming with Ezra for family night! He wasn't super impressed, that's for sure.
14. We are finally adults and got a Costco membership... Quickly to see that we liked Sam's club better. Looks like we will be getting a refund...
15. Ezra loved the splash pad this morning! And we loved having Liz and Alan Ricker over for our weekly dinner date!
16. Went swimming and made some cookies for the missionaries.
17. Anxiously waited for Sam to get home from work so we can attack the Costco pizza sitting in the fridge. Also. Ezra completely denied a grilled cheese sandwich. He wouldn't even open his mouth for a bite.
18. Session in the Columbia, SC temple, buying a BBQ, and having pre birthday sushi with the Rickers
19. Happy first Father's Day, Sam! Sorry I burned the ribs. Oops.
20. After story time we headed to HArris Teeter for some snacks (...a doughnut) and headed to the park. Ezra took a few nibbles of the doughnut and then threw it in the grass so he could eat his fruit instead. I must be doing parenthood right.
21. Goodbye Costco membership, hello Sam's Club.
22. Little friend Aspen is over for a couple of days while her mom is at YC.
23. Is it possible to watch Hercules 549302 times in a single day? Yes. It's absolutely possible.
24. Birthday shenanigans consisted of WW meeting, splash park, kiddos not napping, pizza, and cook out shakes.
25. I was asked to be in the Young Women's Presidency.
26. Late night getting Aspen home and Sam getting youth home from YC means that we woke up 35 minutes before church started.
27. BBG. Here we go.
28. Surprise birthday lunch with my Charlotte ladies
29. Pajamas all day and Rickers for dinner.
30. It's the last day of the month, so I'm taking cookies to my VT. Oops.
2. Ran out of garments and will be wearing maternity garments until the dryer is fixed....
3. Last trip to Sam's club. Hello Costco membership. Hello adulthood.
4. Best. Day. Ever. We went ikea to get Ezra a crib and walked out with a perfect one PLUS 3 navy blue chairs that we got for $60. Our cars may have turned into a jigsaw puzzle, but they fit and it was fantastic. Happy early birthday to me!
5. Second week in church and already asked to sub in primary.
6. Party at mom and baby story time at the local library!
7. Poor little buddy has a horrible cough and a runny nose and to make it all worse I had the biggest mom fail when I forgot to put the break on our new stroller...
8. Relief society hike. I think it was supposed to be a quick little hike, but we ended up being there for like 2 and a half hours. Hooray for exercise....?
9. We went exploring at Freedom park and loved it! We walked around the pond, fed snacks to the ducks, played in the mini panthers training park, and enjoyed the cool weather.
10. We got $37 worth of Panda Express at 9 pm. That right there tells you how our day went.
11. Boy Scout car wash and treats for a bridal shower.
12. Sam's first speaking assignment as Stake Young Men's second counselor in the Catawba, SC ward.
13. First time swimming with Ezra for family night! He wasn't super impressed, that's for sure.
14. We are finally adults and got a Costco membership... Quickly to see that we liked Sam's club better. Looks like we will be getting a refund...
15. Ezra loved the splash pad this morning! And we loved having Liz and Alan Ricker over for our weekly dinner date!
16. Went swimming and made some cookies for the missionaries.
17. Anxiously waited for Sam to get home from work so we can attack the Costco pizza sitting in the fridge. Also. Ezra completely denied a grilled cheese sandwich. He wouldn't even open his mouth for a bite.
18. Session in the Columbia, SC temple, buying a BBQ, and having pre birthday sushi with the Rickers
19. Happy first Father's Day, Sam! Sorry I burned the ribs. Oops.
20. After story time we headed to HArris Teeter for some snacks (...a doughnut) and headed to the park. Ezra took a few nibbles of the doughnut and then threw it in the grass so he could eat his fruit instead. I must be doing parenthood right.
21. Goodbye Costco membership, hello Sam's Club.
22. Little friend Aspen is over for a couple of days while her mom is at YC.
23. Is it possible to watch Hercules 549302 times in a single day? Yes. It's absolutely possible.
24. Birthday shenanigans consisted of WW meeting, splash park, kiddos not napping, pizza, and cook out shakes.
25. I was asked to be in the Young Women's Presidency.
26. Late night getting Aspen home and Sam getting youth home from YC means that we woke up 35 minutes before church started.
27. BBG. Here we go.
28. Surprise birthday lunch with my Charlotte ladies
29. Pajamas all day and Rickers for dinner.
30. It's the last day of the month, so I'm taking cookies to my VT. Oops.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
A sentence a day... May 2016
15. The morning was spent eating taco salads with the elders while the afternoon/evening was spent in the hospital while the doctors diagnosed Sam with pancreatitis after severe abdominal pain.
16. Hanging out, laying around, taking care of my boys but its okay because I got the house clean.
17. As stressful as it was to spend the morning at the doctors office and anticipating my YW activity later that night, everything went great (and the YW loved learning to make cinnamon rolls).
18. Rain, rain go away come back some other day. I guess it's okay because I'm taking naps eating BBQ chicken and taking care of my boys. It was a really hard, emotional day. I think that both Sam and I were emotionally (and him physically) spent and we welcomed bed time with open arms hoping that the day would be over soon. Let's be honest. I dealt with it by adding like 2935 things to my amazon shopping cart and am coming to better understand retail therapy.
16. Hanging out, laying around, taking care of my boys but its okay because I got the house clean.
17. As stressful as it was to spend the morning at the doctors office and anticipating my YW activity later that night, everything went great (and the YW loved learning to make cinnamon rolls).
18. Rain, rain go away come back some other day. I guess it's okay because I'm taking naps eating BBQ chicken and taking care of my boys. It was a really hard, emotional day. I think that both Sam and I were emotionally (and him physically) spent and we welcomed bed time with open arms hoping that the day would be over soon. Let's be honest. I dealt with it by adding like 2935 things to my amazon shopping cart and am coming to better understand retail therapy.
19. Headed to the doctors office today and things are looking a lot better for Sam. After his liquid diet for several days, he was more than happy to spend dinner at Panera with some soup and a big loaf of bread from Whole Foods.
20. Dropped Sam off at the hospital and had every intention of packing, but instead we just played with the boxes and
21. Full day 1 of Sam being in San Francisco and I am coping by buying Ezra things. Oops. He has a whole new summer wardrobe and a new monster truck.
22. The last Sunday in our special little Pineville ward.
23. New phone and SOOO much packing. Moving day is 6 days away. Ezra and I area also ready for Sam to come back home.
24. One of our Indian neighbors (...who doesn't speak any English) came and sat by Ezra and I on our blanket while we were sitting outside and taught him how to clap. I love little clapping babies!
25. Zoo day! Ezra growled at the Tigers, had a bird sit on his head, fed the giraffes and LOVED playing in the water park. Hooray for new friends and warm, summer weather.
26. Sam is home! We picked him up from the airport at 6:15 and quickly dropped him off at work. The rest of the day was spent on a 4 mile walk to Trader Joes/Great Harvest Bread with Trina and Aspen and napping.
27. Getting keys and signing a lease, Viva Chicken and 3 hours of sleep.
28. MOVING DAY! We are finally leaving behind out 1 bedroom apartment in Ballantyne for a 2 bedroom townhouse in South Park. Hooray for not sharing a bedroom (or closet) with Ezra.
29. Loved our first day in our new ward... and the fact that we didn't have to go at 2:30!
30. Memorial Day BBQ with the Brinley family.
31. Unpacking... and more unpacking.
23. New phone and SOOO much packing. Moving day is 6 days away. Ezra and I area also ready for Sam to come back home.
24. One of our Indian neighbors (...who doesn't speak any English) came and sat by Ezra and I on our blanket while we were sitting outside and taught him how to clap. I love little clapping babies!
25. Zoo day! Ezra growled at the Tigers, had a bird sit on his head, fed the giraffes and LOVED playing in the water park. Hooray for new friends and warm, summer weather.
26. Sam is home! We picked him up from the airport at 6:15 and quickly dropped him off at work. The rest of the day was spent on a 4 mile walk to Trader Joes/Great Harvest Bread with Trina and Aspen and napping.
27. Getting keys and signing a lease, Viva Chicken and 3 hours of sleep.
28. MOVING DAY! We are finally leaving behind out 1 bedroom apartment in Ballantyne for a 2 bedroom townhouse in South Park. Hooray for not sharing a bedroom (or closet) with Ezra.
29. Loved our first day in our new ward... and the fact that we didn't have to go at 2:30!
30. Memorial Day BBQ with the Brinley family.
31. Unpacking... and more unpacking.
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